Defined By Genetalia

Last night I attended Cedar Crest College’s GSA, OutThere. At the meeting, we had a discussion about what it means to be a woman which was incredibly interesting. I shared a story last night that helps give some perspective to my earlier posts talking about dating and what it means to be a woman, though the story is just my personal experience.

Some of you know I have been on a few online dating website. Regardless of the social stigma, I do truly believe it is a good way to meet people in the area. I’ve already made some really amazing friends off OkCupid. Over the past week or two, I had been talking to a girl with whom I seemed to have chemistry. We were flirting the past few days over texts when she let slip something that really changed things. She sent a message saying (more or less) how excited she was to go on a date with a guy.

This took me aback, I wasn’t sure how to respond for a while. I am very clear on those sorts of sites that I am trans, just as I am very open in conversation about my gender. I had talked with this girl the night we first met about the fact I was transgender. We bickered playfully over the definition of what it meant to be a woman. I made the argument, just as I did in my previous post, a woman was more than a vagina. I thought I had changed her mind, but her comment above revealed that, in her mind, she was a woman because she had a vagina and I was not because I did not.

In the age of feminists, equal rights, woman’s liberation and empowerment, it’s seems odd to me that so many woman define themselves as such based on their sexual organs. I’ll point out again, the only thing that seperates me from having a vagina is about $20-40k and a few months of recovery. Unless it is your opinion that the ovaries are truly what define “woman,” to which I’d refute there are many women with hysterectomies who are still women after that procedure.

Its also really hard for me, personally, as a transgender woman to be flirting with someone, feeling so much chemistry, only to have the person turn around and say something that so strongly invalidates who I am as a person. I suppose though, things similar to this happens in dating a lot for people with many conditions.

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1 Comment

  1. Well first of all… often when a woman stops arguing about a subject people may think she is in agreement, but actually she is just agreeing to disagree. So if you don’t clarify that she has changed her mind, she likely hasn’t.

    Second, a girl that insensitive to your own feelings and so forth enough to still refer to you as a boy is self centered and inconsiderate. You don’t need this…

    3rd – chemistry and love are not all you need for a relationship, of any kind. You need much much more than just those 2 things, I assure you! Otherwise all us abused people would still be with our significant others that abused us, beat us, and put us down.

    Dating sites are perfectly fine and you should get on Fetlife.com (I know your going to edit that…lol… so make a profile there and find me, i am izzyahee)

    Reply

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